where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
