Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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