are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
