i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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