did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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