Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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