the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
