If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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