Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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