Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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