yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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