I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
