i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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