I want to have your abortion
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
