go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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