sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
