Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
