spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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