I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
