I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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