We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
