she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
