those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
