Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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