Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
