So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
