why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
