Cold hands, warm shart.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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