my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
