We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
