im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
