you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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