tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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