i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
