DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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