All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
