He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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