I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
