the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
