I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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