Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
