I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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