people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
