wrigley field is MILF paradise
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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