wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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