THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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