dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
