If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
