Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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