There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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