is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
