Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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